11:09 PM - November 12, 2008
I should just give up.
I need a change, something to break this stupid routine in which I am trapped. It seems no matter what I do, say, or think I am constantly letting someone down. I have been striving to make myself happy and while I seem to be hitting speed bump after speed bump I was pretty happy with the progress.
I spent most of today trying not to think about my grandfather being in the hospital, yet I still called to check in and even came home to take care of the dog, yet because I didn't go to the hospital I being called low class and being told that I am not putting my family first as a priority.
I am ready to ditch this whole place, yet I have no where to go and I have a few things that make me want to stay. The stress I face on a daily basis is never from work or self inflicted it is always from the berating voice of a family member, it makes me sick to my stomach.
I would just pack everything up and move in with Andi, but there is no space for my stuff and it really scares me that when living with Andi it will be in Andi's house... more so her parents house. I wish Andi and I could just have our own place, but that isn't fucking likely to happen.
God, listen to me bitch.
I just want to sleep for like a week or so, but that is not an option.... Something needs to happen, I am sick of always letting everyone down because it makes me feel like shit, yet I don't think I can live up to all these peoples standards they have set for me.
FUCK!!!!!
